Traditionally, women have had to make a choice between a successful career or having a happy family.

The stereotypical career-driven woman is great at her job, is making lots of money, and has no immediate plans of starting a family. For sure, one day she would love to have one or two kids, but just not now.

In reality, traditional workplace perceptions about the “ideal worker” have forced many women to delay starting a family too long, inadvertently making what career and workplace expert Sylvia Ann Hewlett calls a “creeping nonchoice”.

The ideal worker

In the 2014 Women’s Report, editor Anita Bosch of Women’s reproductive options: Career – and HR implications, says the ideal worker is available around the clock with no need to attend to people outside the office. The ideal worker gives an impression of existing outside the body – almost machine-like.

The workplace structure reduces men to machines and measures women in the same way. Yet, by virtue of the biological functioning of their reproductive system, women cannot be placed under the same umbrella of the “ideal worker”. But because they often are, women tend to be regarded as “‘off-norm’, not ideal, and cases requiring special accommodation”, Anita explains. 

“Women should have children”

Neither religious beliefs nor social perceptions ease the burden. Contraception has given women the liberty to have greater control over their bodies and reproductive rights, but numerous social processes give a contradictory message: “women should have children, and their male partners (and their families) have the right to demand of them to produce offspring,” says Anita.

So, in a society where the expectation is for women to have families, can they still sustain successful careers?

“Women are, in general, finding that the workplace is far more accommodating in terms of maintaining a career and a family in tandem,” says Scott Dunlop, editor at Parent24. “With career adaptations such as a shift to online work and also flexi-time or job-sharing, the concept of a ‘9-5’ is evolving.”

However, less progressive employers may still see working mothers as liabilities regardless of legislation guarding against their discrimination, Scott adds.

Family responsibility leave for dads is key

Fathers may take three days’ family responsibility leave, but paternity leave does not exist in South Africa. Even though some employers do grant unpaid leave, this time off work is often seen, misguidedly, as a “holiday”, says Scott.  “This overlooks some key issues: many families consist of two working parents, so paternity leave can assist mothers with achieving their career goals, too. Also, there are families that co-parent, raising their children together but not as a couple. Paternity leave enables a father to fully engage as a parent and share the enjoyment and burden of caring for young children.”

View: How maternity leave compares around the world

Stop the segmentation  

Scott goes on to elaborate, saying that as mothers are enjoying more equality in the workplace, the idea of the father as the breadwinner no longer carries as much weight as it previously did. “A more holistic worker model should recognize that the father and mother should not be forced to segment their lives into work and family, but rather recognize that both make up the individual employee.”

Ultimately, it is up to the individual to choose whether or not career will trump family, or if a balance can be found. More accommodating workplaces, greater assimilation of parental roles and a flexible career path are key to the ongoing success of mothers in the workplace.

What has your experience of choosing between career and family been? Mail editor@careers24.com to share your story.