A few sucky things I learnt to love about being a working mom in Cape Town

“It’s a blessing to be a working mom” – Anon.

This is my personal experience being a fully functional, involved and successful mother, wife and colleague.

For many, the natural progression after pursuing a career and establishing yourself professionally is to get married and procreate. And that’s the path I chose as well. But I wasn’t prepared for what followed and, honestly, I don’t think anyone ever is. Whether you’re a full-time working mom because you love what you do or because you can’t afford not to, one thing’s for sure: once you’re a working mom, your work life balance will never be the same. 

One year into my married life, my career was booming and very demanding. At the same time, my husband and I discovered we’re pregnant - and suddenly reality kicked in. We had to start thinking about nannies, nappies, day-care, and lots of other baby-related decisions, including their financial impact. It was clear that because of the financial pressures we were facing, in a little less than nine months I will become a working mom. The knowledge that many newlyweds experience the same struggle, made me optimistic: everything will be okay. 

Fast forward a few years and we now have two princesses under the age of six! As such, we have new struggles to face. With one little princess at crèche and the other little princess at school and afterschool day-care, navigating a well-balanced life takes a lot of effort every single day. 

My typical day as a working mother

My day starts at 04:30. I get everyone dressed and shoved into the car. My girls are dropped by their grandparents at 07:00 who take them to crèche and school. Then I’m stuck (on the M5 or M3) in traffic for anything between one and two hours. As you can imagine, I leave before sunrise and arrive at work in the CBD way after sunrise. 

At work, I follow a strict routine to ensure I get through my daily tasks efficiently.  Just before the end of the day, I start to panic about traffic: Will I make it to fetch my girls at day care or should I call a friend to fetch them instead? Because, Lord knows, I cannot afford another R50 crèche fine per kid for every 30min I’m late picking them up. Oh, and what’s for supper? How long will the chicken take to defrost? Should I buy something on my way home or cook? Is there a clean shirt for school tomorrow? Will I still have to iron? What will my daughters eat for lunch tomorrow? 

So after a productive day and another one to two hours on the M3 or M5, I’m happy to be at home with my princesses. I start supper, do some necessary housekeeping, and then wash my kids. Maybe I will have a washing load or two too but that depends on the weather and how big the need for clean laundry happens to be. On a normal day, I’m happy to get to bed by 22:00 or 23:00, depending on homework, chores, and of course, the cooperation of my daughters. As a full-time working mother of two toddler girls, I’ve cried lots and lots, felt inadequate, and felt guilty for being inadequate. 

This turned out to be a vicious daily cycle and I realised that something’s got to give. For the sake of my sanity, my ability to continue being a loving mother and wife, I’d have to change a few things. 

Overcoming the chaos of being a working mother

The trouble with traffic

My eldest daughter’s school closes very early. I sat with my monthly budget and noticed that I could afford a lift club for my eldest daughter from her school to the after-school day-care – the same crèche my youngest attends. That takes care of that. Even though I was reluctant at first, I decided to chat to my boss about adjusting my working hours. If I leave home earlier and leave work earlier, I’ll beat peak hour traffic and make it in time to pick up my daughters from day-care.

The trouble with food

I made a conscious decision to start eating healthier and to work some physical exercise into my week. I plan and often prepare meals ahead of time and take my daughters along for walks. I now spend less time in the kitchen, have more energy, and my daughters receive more of my time and attention.

Self-love

Because all the other parts of my life now have a set time and space, it’s easier to pay attention to my own needs. I experience less stress and make a point of prioritising some me-time. At work, I found ways to make each day bearable. I discovered which activities make me happy at work and which activities make me happy at home and I started looking forward to these activities and practiced gratitude when they arrived.

Some days are better managed than others, and some days are longer than others but it’s my life, my career, my daughters, my choices, and I’m in love with it.  

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