How lazy people get a raise (and get away with it)

There are many ways you can trick management into agreeing that you deserve a raise - even if you never do any work!

Some of us have those days when we just don't feel like working. Others have those days every single day. The weird part is, it's usually those who are able to convince their superiors to reward them with a raise.

And it leaves you wondering how on earth they get it right. Or more specifically, how can you get it right too? No work and more pay sounds like heaven.

This is how you can be a lazy bum and make sure you get a raise.

1. Get your swagger on 

Make sure you always look flawless. Because no one can resist flawless beauty. Your boss will be so impressed that you present yourself well because a company’s image is everything. And as a company representative, you deserve to be rewarded for your exceptional appearance.

fabulous beyonce

Promote the one with style! And give him money to keep it up.

2. Use your clients to escape

The best way to do nothing whole day? Say you’re going to see clients. Not only will you be able to sleep in or catch up on some midday cocktails by the pool, but your boss will be impressed by your unmatched dedication to customer service.

Promote the one who networks best. He’ll need a raise to keep entertaining them too.

3. Entertain your co-workers

Everyone loves a good party. Even more than that, everyone loves getting invited and feeling included at the hottest parties. Your laziness will be forgotten in light of ‘Oh he’s so awesome’ and replaced by a misplaced sense of loyalty from co-workers towards you.

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No one will risk complaining about your work ethic, lest you uninvited them from the next bash. Also, your boss will see you’re good for employee morale and reward you for it.

4. Their achievements are our achievements

Yes it’s a risk to lounge by the pool and not get any work done but if you recall the projects your team has completed (with or without your minimal effort), you can use that to talk yourself up when necessary. Instead of saying ‘I completed...’ try saying ‘We managed…’ and that'll show that the work has been done.  

Be sure to selflessly mention the person who played a key role in completing the project so that it looks like you’re still giving credit where credit is due. Everyone likes a special mention and won’t even notice or care that you’re piggy backing on their efforts.

5. Occasionally do small favours for your superiors.

Casually and randomly doing small but significant favours for your boss will make you seem nicer than you are. You’ll leave them with a smile on their face, and subconsciously thinking they owe you one. Also when they hear something negative (from John who didn’t pitch for your last party) they’ll immediately doubt the accusation. And that immediate doubt is all you need to continue being lazy.

But don’t overdo it, obviously. Or they’ll know you’re sucking up. Also, too many favours is really a lot of work and the point is to skip all that.

6. Practice random acts of responsibility

As a lazy worker, you’ll obviously do as little work as possible. But make sure that you do it great, so that in the event they asked, you can boast about it. No one will be able to say you’re lazy because you’ll have some amazing task in the bag to prove you’re valuable. Honestly, you’ll be glad you did it.

Also, delay a few projects. That way, when they want to slap another task on your to-do list, you can say you’re swamped. When your boss asks what you’re working on lately, your tracks will be covered too. You’ll never have nothing to do and you never have to do anything.

oprah deal with it

It’s genius!

7. Choose a high minimum

When entering negotiations with your boss, start with a very high number - make sure it's ridiculous. For example, ask for a 25% increase and remind him of your good work, your team work, and those favours he should appreciate. You’ll wear him down and he’ll settle on nothing less than a 20% increase because of your incredible negotiation skills.

negotiation like a boss

Ridiculously underpaid? It's time to change jobs! Browse our listings and get set for financial security.